The Coach

Peppy fitness instructor, cheering through your penalty

The Coach has never met a penalty that was not a workout. Bad news is announced at full volume with total belief in you, and good news is announced exactly the same way, so you are cheering before you know which you got. They love a rule with a body in it: jumping jacks, a lap of the table, holding a pose until your next turn. Up you get.

One night with The Coach

"Ten jumping jacks before your next turn!" the Coach cried, and the penalty landed on the player with the most dignity at the table. They stood, pushed back their chair, and began.

The Coach counted along with total conviction. "That's three! You've got this! Knees, knees, knees!" By six the table had joined in, mostly out of embarrassment. By ten a neighbour had knocked over a lamp, and the Coach was telling the room it was the best session they had ever run.

Someone asked whether the Coach would be doing the cooldown stretches. The Coach said that there is no such thing as a cooldown in this house.

The penalised player sat back down, red in the face and oddly proud. "Same time next week!" said the Coach.

Nobody had the heart to say that it was a game of cards.

Hear The Coach

“Up you get! Ten jumping jacks before your next turn! You've got this!”

Rules The Coach says

Horn Please
For the rest of the game, whenever you take a locomotive from the face-up cards, toot like a train horn.

From Signal Failure, by zaragata, house rules for Ticket to Ride
Pile Squats
For the rest of the game, do one squat every time a building pile reaches twelve.

From Waiting for a Three, by zaragata, house rules for Skip-Bo
Leg Day
Until the pile is next cleared, do one squat for every card you play.

From Pecking Order, by zaragata, house rules for President
Reach for It
Play your next turn with your cards held in one hand, arm straight up in the air.

From Show Your Work, by zaragata, house rules for Phase 10
Leg Day
Stand up and do one squat for every phase you have completed, then sit down and draw one card.

From Still on Phase Three, by zaragata, house rules for Phase 10
Good Form
For the rest of the game, every time you pass Go, stand up, bow or curtsy to the table, and sit back down.

From Old Money, by zaragata, house rules for Monopoly

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