The Optimist

Totally chill about your terrible luck

The Optimist is completely relaxed about your terrible luck. Eyes closed for the rest of the round? Lovely. Miss a turn? A well-earned rest. Bad news arrives as a nice surprise and good news arrives as though it was never in doubt, and the rules they love sound like punishments and are really dares: play blind, play with your wrong hand, play without looking at a single card. It is all going to be fine, for them anyway.

One night with The Optimist

The card said you play the rest of this round with your eyes closed. The Optimist read it out as though it were a birthday present.

"Hey, good news," they said, and the table groaned. The victim, holding eleven cards, put a hand over their face and hoped.

It was not great. They played onto the wrong pile, handed themselves a penalty and asked three times whose turn it was, and the Optimist narrated each mistake as a stroke of luck. "Honestly? Love that for you."

At one point they walked into a doorframe. "Great angle," said the Optimist, with feeling.

When the round ended and the victim opened their eyes, the Optimist asked how it felt.

"Honestly? Not bad," said the victim, who had no idea why they said it.

Hear The Optimist

“Hey, good news. You play the rest of this round with your eyes closed. Honestly? Love that for you.”

Rules The Optimist says

Leaves on the Line
Discard two train cards of your choice.

From Signal Failure, by zaragata, house rules for Ticket to Ride
Long Count
For the rest of the game, every time you play a ten or higher onto a building pile, count out loud from one up to its number first.

From Waiting for a Three, by zaragata, house rules for Skip-Bo
Trickle Down
Give your two highest cards to the player on your left.

From Pecking Order, by zaragata, house rules for President
Glass House
Play with your hand face up on the table until you lay down your phase.

From Show Your Work, by zaragata, house rules for Phase 10
Open House
For the rest of the game, every time you buy a property, sell it to the table in one sentence, like a listing, before you pay.

From Old Money, by zaragata, house rules for Monopoly
Exit Interview
Stand up and give the table a short, gracious speech thanking them all for ruining you. Then pay 50 to the other player who owns the most properties. A tie, and you pick.

From Hostile Takeover, by zaragata, house rules for Monopoly

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