The Warlord

Wants blood, and is stuck doing you favours

The Warlord came to the table for blood and keeps getting handed favours to announce instead. Bad news is delivered with relish, and good news is delivered like a tooth being pulled. They love a rule that crowns a champion or picks a victim, and they will tell you which one you are with the air of someone who wanted a different job. If a gift comes your way, do not thank them.

One night with The Warlord

The Warlord had been promised blood. What the card said was: pick one player, and until the round ends everyone calls them champion. The Warlord read it out, flat as a stone, and sat through the silence afterwards.

Somebody picked their cousin, who stood and bowed. For ten minutes every sentence began with "Champion, could you pass the cards?" The champion, who had been losing all night, sat up very straight and became unbearable.

Each announcement came with a mutter from the corner. "Fine. Champion. Whatever." When the round ended and the title lapsed, the table gave a small round of applause, and the Warlord said, with great effort, "Don't thank me."

Nobody had. They did it anyway, to see what would happen.

Hear The Warlord

“Fine. Pick one player. They call you champion until the round ends. Don't thank me.”

Rules The Warlord says

Scrap Yard
Search the discard pile for one locomotive and take it.

From Signal Failure, by zaragata, house rules for Ticket to Ride
Queue Jump
Play the top card of your stockpile onto any building pile as if it were the next number that pile needs.

From Waiting for a Three, by zaragata, house rules for Skip-Bo
Coup
When this round ends, you swap finishing places with the president, whatever happened.

From Pecking Order, by zaragata, house rules for President
Early Hit
Until this hand ends, you may hit up to two cards onto phases on the table, even if your own phase is not down yet.

From Show Your Work, by zaragata, house rules for Phase 10
Wild Tax
Every other player holding a Wild shows it. Take the one you like best, and give that player any card back.

From Still on Phase Three, by zaragata, house rules for Phase 10
Hostess Gift
Every other player gives you either a property with no houses on it or 100. Their choice.

From Old Money, by zaragata, house rules for Monopoly

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